40 Questions to Get to Know Your Partner Better
40 questions · Curated by Jakub Sobotka · I Choose You, used by 3,700+ couples
Most couples think they know each other. And they do — to a point. But people change constantly, and the person you're with today has been shaped by experiences, fears, and thoughts you may never have asked about. These 40 questions reach into the parts of your partner you might not know as well as you think.
Before you met
What version of you would I have hated?
What would your ex warn me about?
Were you actually ready for a relationship when we met?
Who had lower standards before this?
What toxic trait did you bring from past relationships?
Did you have a 'crazy ex' or were you the crazy ex?
Who ghosted more people?
What part of your past am I still competing with?
Who had a more chaotic single era?
What's the pettiest reason you dumped someone?
Their personality and quirks
Who's more likely to ugly cry at a surprise birthday party thrown for them?
Who's more likely to accidentally call your mom 'mom' first?
Who's more likely to pretend they're asleep to avoid getting up with the dog?
Who's more likely to have a full conversation with themselves in the shower?
Who's more likely to eat the last slice of pizza and blame it on the ghost?
Who's more likely to practice their argument points in the car before coming home?
Who's more likely to smell their clothes to check if they're clean enough to wear again?
Who's more likely to create an elaborate lie about why they're late instead of just saying 'I lost track of time'?
Who's more likely to have a secret snack stash they think the other doesn't know about?
Who's more likely to use 'we need to leave in 5 minutes' when they haven't even showered yet?
How they see themselves
What red flag did you used to ignore?
What phase of yours am I grateful I missed?
Who had worse taste in partners?
Who took longer to grow up?
What ex taught you the most painful lesson?
Who was more emotionally unavailable?
Did you believe in 'the one' before me?
Who has the messier relationship history?
What were you running from when we met?
Who was the bigger heartbreaker?
What they want and dream of
Who carries more emotional weight for both of us?
Do we need to talk about that thing we're avoiding?
Who feels things deeper but shows it less?
What story about us would you tell our grandkids?
What wound from your past affects how you love now?
Do you feel truly seen by me?
What part of your personality only comes out with me?
What dream did you give up that you want back?
Who needs more reassurance than they ask for?
Who's better at sitting with uncomfortable emotions?
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Frequently Asked Questions
How do you get to know your partner better after years together?
Ask about things you've never asked about. Most long-term couples have extensive shared history but surprisingly few conversations about their inner worlds — fears they still carry, dreams they gave up, or ways they've changed that they haven't verbalized. Asking one new question per day covers this ground slowly and naturally.
What questions help you truly know your partner?
Questions about formative experiences, unexpressed fears, and personal identity tend to reveal the most. "What version of you existed before me?" or "What do you want that you've never told me?" require real reflection and create genuine intimacy.
Do long-term couples still need to ask each other questions?
Absolutely. People change significantly over time — values shift, fears evolve, dreams get revised. A 2022 study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that couples who maintain daily positive and curious communication report much higher satisfaction, regardless of relationship length.
What are the best questions to ask a new partner?
For new relationships, focus on questions about values, formative experiences, and how they relate to others. "What's something most people misunderstand about you?" or "What's the best and worst decision you've ever made?" reveal character quickly without feeling like an interrogation.