35 Questions for New Couples
35 questions · Curated by Jakub Sobotka · I Choose You, used by 3,700+ couples
New relationships have an energy that's hard to describe — everything feels interesting, everything feels possible. These questions are for that phase: when you want to go deeper but don't always know how to get there without it feeling like a job interview. Take them slowly.
Who they were before you
What version of you would I have hated?
What would your ex warn me about?
Were you actually ready for a relationship when we met?
Who had lower standards before this?
What toxic trait did you bring from past relationships?
Did you have a 'crazy ex' or were you the crazy ex?
Who ghosted more people?
What part of your past am I still competing with?
Who had a more chaotic single era?
How they think and what they value
Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
What they're like in a relationship
What's the pettiest reason you dumped someone?
What red flag did you used to ignore?
What phase of yours am I grateful I missed?
Who had worse taste in partners?
Who took longer to grow up?
What ex taught you the most painful lesson?
Who was more emotionally unavailable?
Did you believe in 'the one' before me?
Who has the messier relationship history?
Getting playful and comfortable
What's the pettiest reason you've ever ended a friendship?
If you had to choose between being incredibly attractive but boring, or average-looking but fascinating, which would you pick?
What's the most embarrassing thing you believed way too long into adulthood?
Which celebrity do you think would be absolutely terrible in bed?
What's your most irrational dealbreaker in a relationship?
If you could erase one genre of music from existence, what would it be?
What's the weirdest thing you've done when you thought nobody was watching?
Which historical villain do you find weirdly attractive?
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Frequently Asked Questions
What questions should you ask in a new relationship?
Early on, mix depth with lightness. Ask about values, family, and what they want from life — but also what makes them laugh, what they're proud of, and what they secretly love. The best questions in a new relationship are ones that make both of you curious, not ones that feel like background checks.
How do you get to know someone new quickly?
Ask questions that require real reflection — not "what do you do?" but "what did you want to be when you were young, and why did that change?" Specificity invites honesty. Vague questions get vague answers.
How fast should new couples move emotionally?
There's no universal answer, but research suggests that couples who gradually deepen vulnerability — rather than going all-in immediately or keeping things surface-level for months — tend to form stronger, more sustainable bonds. One meaningful question a day is more valuable than one marathon conversation.
What are good first date questions that aren't awkward?
The trick is asking about their past experiences and opinions, not just facts. "What's something you believed at 20 that you completely changed your mind about?" is far more interesting than "where are you from?" Avoid questions with simple yes/no answers.