75 Questions to Ask Your Partner About the Future
75 questions from real I Choose You packs · Curated by Jakub Sobotka · Updated
The best questions to ask your partner about the future cover five things: what you each want from life, marriage, kids and family, money, and where you will live, plus a few dreamy ones so it never feels like a job interview. Below are 75 questions taken from the packs in our couples app, with serious ones first and separate lists for asking your boyfriend or girlfriend.
How to use this list
- Warm up with the fun and dreamy questions, then move to the serious ones when you are both relaxed. Not in the car on the way to your in-laws.
- Ask one or two at a time. A conversation beats a questionnaire.
- Every question works for any partner. The boyfriend and girlfriend lists are just a starting point.
- You are not looking for matching answers. You are looking for where you differ, early, while it is still easy to talk about.
Serious questions about your future together
Start here if you want to know where the two of you are actually heading. These are the questions people think about at 2 a.m. and rarely say out loud.
Where do you see us in 10 years?
What do you want our future to look like?
Do you see us growing old together?
What scares you most about our future together?
If you could guarantee one thing about our future, what would it be?
What version of our future keeps you up at night?
What part of 'forever' scares you?
Are we ready to plan beyond next year?
Are we ready to be each other's family?
Are we growing at the same pace?
Who's more committed to making this work?
Are you ready for whatever the future holds?
What promise do you want to make but are scared to?
Are you excited to see where we go from here?
Are we brave enough to grow together?
Questions to ask your boyfriend about the future
Ambition, career and who he is trying to become. Nothing here is gendered: swap in girlfriend, husband or wife and every question still works.
What career would you pursue if money didn't matter?
What achievement would make you feel like you 'made it'?
What's a goal you're scared to fully commit to?
What's a version of yourself you're working towards?
What's a goal you want to achieve in the next year?
What's a dream you've had since childhood that you still want to achieve?
Would you be happy with a simple, quiet life?
Would you sacrifice stability for passion?
Do you believe your future is largely in your control?
What's a skill you want to develop in the future?
Do you think your future self will be grateful for the choices you're making now?
Who's more likely to actually follow through on big dreams?
Questions to ask your girlfriend about the future
Dreams, family and the things she hopes never change. Same deal: they work for any partner.
What does your ideal day look like 5 years from now?
What's a dream you've never told anyone about?
What dream did you give up that you want back?
What's something you want to experience before you're old?
What's something you want your future self to remember?
What's something you hope never changes?
Are you excited about where your life is heading?
Do you believe the best years of your life are still ahead?
What family tradition do you absolutely want to keep?
What pattern from your family are you trying to break?
Are you afraid of what the future might bring?
Who encourages the other's dreams more?
Big life questions: marriage, kids, money and where to live
The heavy ones. Many of these are quick yes/no or "who of us" cards in the app, so you see where you each stand before you dig into the details. Want to go deeper on one topic? See our questions to ask before marriage, money questions for couples and questions to ask before moving in together.
Commitment and building a life together
Who's more likely to cry watching your proposal video years later?
Who was more afraid of commitment?
Is it important to keep the spark alive after years together?
Who's more of a planner for the future?
Are you living the life you imagined 5 years ago?
Kids and family
Are you scared of becoming like your parents in ways you don't want?
What do you admire about how your parents love each other (or wish they did)?
Do you feel pressure from your family about life choices?
Do you think you'll parent differently than your parents did?
Would you move closer to family if you had the chance?
Who's more scared of becoming their parents?
Money and a home
Write our 'money mission statement' in one sentence.
Are we okay keeping both a shared account and separate 'fun money' accounts?
Are we aligned on what counts as a spending 'emergency'?
What money belief from childhood should we keep—or drop?
What's a lesson about money you learned too late?
Do we need shared retirement dreams?
Career, moving and growing old
Would you move countries for love?
Would you move to another country for the right opportunity?
Would you take your dream job even if the pay was terrible?
Should we create space for more individual growth?
Who's grown more as a person since you've been together?
Do you ever feel like we're growing apart slowly?
Fun and dreamy future questions
Five-year daydreams, bucket lists, travel and the house you will probably never afford. Good for warming up before the big ones, or for a lazy Sunday when you just want to dream together.
What's one thing on your bucket list we could do together?
What's a shared dream you want us to build together?
What's one thing you want us to experience together?
What story about us would you tell our grandkids?
What ritual would future us be grateful for?
Should we create a bucket list together?
Should we make a tiny plan to look forward to?
Would you rather live in a tiny house together or a mansion but in separate wings?
Would you want to know what your life looks like in 10 years?
Who's more likely to have a secret Pinterest board for your future home together?
Who would plan the better proposal?
Who's more excited about our future?
Who's more likely to cry at other people's weddings thinking about yours?
Answer these together in I Choose You
Most of the questions on this page come straight from packs in I Choose You: Past. Present. Future., Unfiltered, Pillow Talk, Money Confessions and more. You each answer on your own phone, then both answers open in your chat, so nobody just agrees with whatever the other one said first. Questions are the most-used feature in the app: 1,400+ people answered them in August 2026.
Free to start · 2 minutes a day · 1,700+ people every month
How to talk about the future without it feeling like an interview
Ask one question, listen properly, and let the conversation wander. Five things that help:
- Dream first, plan second. "What does your ideal day look like 5 years from now?" invites imagination. "Where is this going?" sounds like a test. Open with the first kind.
- Pick a side-by-side moment. A walk, a long drive or cooking dinner together feels lower-pressure than sitting across a table with a list.
- Go first on the scary ones. If you ask "What scares you most about our future together?", be ready to answer it yourself. It turns an interrogation into a trade.
- Treat differences as information, not a verdict. When your answers clash, ask "What matters to you about that?" The value underneath a plan is often easier to agree on than the plan itself.
- Make it a habit, not a summit. Your answers will change in six months. One small question at a time, regularly, beats one big talk a year.
How to answer "What are your future plans in a relationship?"
Be honest, be specific about the next one to three years, and say what you want from a relationship, not only from your career. Then ask the question back. Three example answers you can adapt:
If it is early
"Right now I'm focused on getting settled in my job. Long term, I want a partner I can build a home with. I'm not in a rush, but I'm not dating just to pass the time either. What about you?"
If you are getting serious
"I'd like us to live together in the next year or so, and I can see marriage on the table. Kids are a maybe for me, and I'd rather talk about that properly than guess."
If you honestly don't know
"I don't have a five-year plan, and I'd rather not pretend I do. What I do know is that I want us to keep choosing each other and figure out the big stuff together."
Frequently Asked Questions
What questions should you ask your partner about the future?
Cover five areas: what each of you wants from life, marriage and commitment, kids and family, money, and where you want to live. Start with an open, dreamy question such as "What does your ideal day look like 5 years from now?" and move to the practical ones once you are both relaxed. The goal is not identical answers but knowing where you differ.
When should you talk about the future in a relationship?
Earlier than most people think, as long as it stays light. Dreamy questions are fine in the first months; the big topics (kids, marriage, where to live) usually come up once you are exclusive and the honeymoon phase settles. If something is a dealbreaker for you, it is fair to bring it up sooner rather than after a year.
What is the 3-6-9 rule in dating?
It is a viral TikTok framework for pacing a new relationship over its first nine months: months one to three are the honeymoon phase, months three to six bring the first real conflicts, and months six to nine are when you decide whether to keep going, as Bustle explains. It is a pacing guide, not research. The six-to-nine-month stage is a natural time for the serious questions on this page.
What is the 7-7-7 rule for couples?
It means a date every 7 days, a night away together every 7 weeks and a longer getaway every 7 months, as described in Psychology Today. Even that article calls the number seven a bit arbitrary. The useful part is regular, protected time together, which is also when future conversations happen most easily.
How do you know if you have a future together?
Not from one conversation. Good signs are that you can talk about kids, money and where to live without one of you shutting down, that your non-negotiables do not directly clash, and that you both act on plans instead of only talking about them. If a core goal truly diverges, for example one of you wants children and the other definitely does not, face it early rather than hoping it changes.