35 Questions to Ask Before Marriage
35 questions · Curated by Jakub Sobotka · I Choose You, used by 3,700+ couples
Marriage is the most significant commitment most people make — and most couples spend more time planning the wedding than talking about what comes after. These questions are the ones that reveal whether you're aligned where it actually counts: money, family, conflict, kids, and what you each expect from a life together.
Family and children
Wealth redistribution via taxes: fairness or penalty on success?
Affirmative action/equity policies—support, oppose, or nuanced?
Should tech platforms aggressively moderate misinformation, or is that censorship?
Government surveillance for safety: necessary tradeoff or slippery slope?
Should your partner be your best friend—or is that too much pressure?
Is staying for love enough if core life goals diverge?
Blending ‘we’ and ‘me’: how much identity should a couple share?
Gift-giving love language: consumerist or meaningful ritual?
Are anniversaries sacred or flexible depending on life load?
How you handle conflict
What part of your personality only comes out with me?
Who needs more reassurance than they ask for?
Do we need to forgive each other for something?
What truth about love did this relationship teach you?
Are we protecting each other from a hard truth?
Who's more likely to lose themselves in the relationship?
Who needs to be told they're enough more often?
Should we have a hard conversation we've been postponing?
Who's carrying guilt they need to release?
What you both expect from marriage
If you could go back in time and relive one moment, what would it be and why?
What's something you're currently grateful for in your life?
TASK 2: Take a moment to reflect on a current struggle or challenge, and share how you're working to overcome it.
What's a decision you made in the past that you're glad you made, and why?
What's a goal you've achieved in the past that you didn't think you could accomplish?
What's something you'd like to do in the next year, and what's your plan for making it happen?
When you look back on your life, what's something you wish you had done differently?
What's something you'd like to be remembered for when you're gone?
TASK 3: Take a moment to reflect on a future goal or aspiration, and share what steps you plan to take to achieve it.
Values and the life you're building
Have you ever been in a situation where you had to stand up for what you believe in?
What's something you wish you could tell your younger self?
What's a lesson you've learned about relationships?
Have you ever had to forgive someone who hurt you? Explain.
What's something you've learned about yourself recently?
What's a lesson you've learned about success?
Task: Share one thing you want to accomplish in the next year, and what steps are you taking to achieve it?
What's a lesson you've learned about failure?
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Frequently Asked Questions
What questions should couples discuss before getting married?
The critical ones: Do you both want children (and how many)? How will you handle finances — joint or separate? What's your relationship with your respective families, and how involved will they be? How do you fight, and how do you make up? What does a "good marriage" look like to each of you? These questions surface the most common sources of post-marriage conflict before they become problems.
What are pre-marriage questions about children?
The most important pre-marriage question about children is whether you both want them at all — and the same answer is a minimum requirement. Beyond that: how many, how soon, who would primarily handle childcare, what values would you raise them with, what religious or cultural traditions matter, and how would you handle disagreements about parenting.
How do you discuss sensitive topics before marriage?
In low-stakes moments, framed as discovery rather than negotiation. "I've been thinking about how we'd handle [topic] — what's your instinct?" opens differently than "we need to talk about [topic]." The goal of pre-marriage conversations isn't to eliminate uncertainty — it's to understand each other's values and reasoning well enough that you can navigate what comes.
What should you know about your partner before marrying them?
Beyond facts, you should know how they handle stress, disappointment, and conflict. How they relate to money — not just what they earn, but what it means to them. What family means to them and what obligations come with it. What they need to feel loved, not just what they prefer. And what they're unwilling to compromise on — because everyone has lines.